Junk Mail, 2001: Physical and Virtual

JUNK MAIL, 2001: PHYSICAL AND VIRTUAL

James R. Rosenfield

April 2001

Direct marketers have adapted to the Internet like ducks to a big new pond. What wading, splashing, and feathers flying! The quacking at DMA conferences these days must be positively deafening. As someone said not long ago, the Web is like direct mail on steroids.

Let us at it! As a direct marketer of over 30 years experience, I can tell you happily that what works in direct marketing–especially in direct mail–works wonderfully well on the Web.

Unfortunately, since so much of what we do is junk, junk now proliferates on the Web.

Please don't get upset if you're a direct marketer. We live in a junk culture, after all. I would say that close to 100% of TV ads are junk, the most toxic kind of junk, glamorizing false values, e.g., “Drink this beer and you will become irresistible to the opposite sex.” Television's poisonous magic lies in its ability to make folks suspend their disbelief. “Making you sick, then selling you the cure, that's what advertising does,” said Marshall McLuhan.

Direct mail (whether physical or virtual) at its worst is in-your-face deceptive, but can never achieve the hypnotic power of television. It's the difference between the left-hemisphere and the right-hemisphere. It's the difference between the petty thief and the con artist.

The amazing thing about physical direct mail is that there's so much good stuff out there. It's slicker than it used to be, but one still treasures the L.L. Bean catalog. And publications direct mail remains an impressive category, with some of the best commercial writing to be found anywhere.

But, oh Lord, there's so much junk! I knew an old direct marketer who couldn't get himself to say “junk mail,” and used to refer to the “j-word,” in the hushed tones of one about to commit an ultimate sacrilege. Lighten up, guys and gals. What's junk mail? Here's my definition:

JUNK MAIL DEFINED

Junk mail is mail that is:

1) Irrelevant

2) Sleazy, dishonest, deceptive

3) Discarded immediately because of one or both of the above (that's what “junk” means, something that's discarded)

This works for both the physical and virtual world. It's slightly less annoying to get virtual junk mail, I guess, since all you have to do is hit the delete button. But virtual junk mail can be more aggravating than its physical cousin if it's disguised as a regular, routine e-mail message. I get numerous e-mails of this sort from marketing conferences, and I resent the several seconds it takes me to determine that no, I'd rather stick needles in my eyes than go to one more database convention.

On the positive side, I get e-mail on a regular basis from Amazon, and it tends to be relevant and welcome. That's one of the virtues of Amazon, and it's good fundamental direct marketing practice: Communicate frequently with your good customers.

Amazon's responsiveness remains impressive. On January 3, I got an e-mail from them alerting me to a title by Borges, which turned out to be a book on coaching football. My Borges is Jorge Luis Borges, the great 20^th Century Argentine writer. I replied January 4, saying “Wrong Borges, you bonzos!,” and got an apology January 5, explaining in layman's language how the search for “Borges” is set up, and giving me options for tightening the criteria. Wow! I just hope they can sustain this kind of thing. Otherwise, it'll give the nay-sayers more arguments against investing in customer service.

I get mail almost as regularly from Ashford, from whom I made a $6.95 purchase six months ago. Ashford is using good direct marketing principles also: Stay in touch with anyone who's bought from you. In their case, though, the low cost of e-mail enables them to contact me with a sort of insincere frequency. I'm not much of a customer, after all. Less frequent and more powerful offers would probably be a good way for them to go.

E-mail gives direct marketers a glorious future (if we don't mess privacy issues up too much), but physical direct mail is likely to have its place. Even if you print out e-mail documents, you still don't have the three-dimensional, tactile experience that's such an elemental part of direct mail. And keep in mind that the history of technology tells us that new media don't necessarily replace older media. They change their roles. Over the next few years, I look for direct mail expenditures worldwide to continue increasing, but I suspect quantity will gradually be replaced by quality, e.g., more expensive mailings to customers, less mass marketing.

If, contrary to historical precedent, e-mail does end up replacing physical direct mail, what a world of goofiness we will lose. E-mail has built-in accuracy, in terms of both targeting and database hygiene, that you can't have with old-fashioned direct mail.You just can't beat the physical world when it comes to pratfalls.

Here are some recent gems from my mailbox:

· Volvo

An unending flood of mail from Volvo, one of the least appealing vehicles I have ever driven, calls me “Jim Rofenfield,” making my last name sound like the bark of a lisping Doberman. Lots of science and precision here, right?

· Victoria's Secret

Victoria's Secret, the doyenne of lingerie, sometimes sends three or four catalogs a day to my wife, who orders from them maybe once a year. Ditto, science and precision. It's our third decade jabbering about database marketing, and most direct mail in the U.S. is executed on a “Print it up and let it fly” principle. Wasting trees or violating privacy: I guess we're pretty good at both, but still much better at the former.

· Elle Decor

A magazine called Elle Décor, clearly aimed at females, has long desired me as a subscriber. For about 10 years, I have regaled seminar audiences worldwide with a letter that begins as follows:

“Dear Friend: You are wearing a filmy peignoir…”

Believe me, no one wants to see me in a filmy peignoir.

Flash forward to 2001, and they're still at it. Their most recent solicitation invites me to ‘BREAK THE RULES WITH ELLE DÉCOR…A PERSONAL INVITATION FOR JAMES ROSENFIELD…Dear James Rosenfield: This invitation has your name on it. It was created for you because you won't settle for the ordinary.

“You don't need everything to match, thank you. Instead you want bold ideas that match your personality…ELLE DÉCOR is NOT about stilted Versailles wanna-be's, wilted floor-to-ceiling floral chintzes, or yawn-colored Brady Bunch family rooms.”

Come to think of it, I am JUST UP-TO-HERE when it comes to stilted Versailles wanna-be's, and DON'T EVEN ASK ME about floral chintzes!!

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